The Tales of the Bodacious Beaner Brigade

This story is telling of the events that Bob and I have been through in the game Seiken Densetsu 3; aka Secret of Mana 2. We named some of the characters after the online community where we hang out at. Below is the tale. We have not finished the game, so more installments of this series will continue until we complete the game.

Chapter 1: Beginnings of Battles: Final Rebellion's Fall

...They say fortune does not last forever... To some, this is true. Auspicious times have passed... foreboding omens approach... This is the Tale... of the Beaner Brigade... The Tale of strife, and the loss of life... the Tale of a war, and the Legend born... The tale of three, let me say to thee... The Tale that's not old, tells of those who were bold... And their journey continues... They are the filled with God's might, and his last light, evil foes, they will smite for all that is right!


In the land of FR, PPV was out on a patrol, watching out for those deadly trolls. When after all was done, I took the rest of the Pikru Patrol Posse back to base.

I spoke to Void, asking where Gem was, that it was time for his training. Gem was nowhere to be found. I looked high, and low, not knowing where to go. Until I went deep, into FR to continue searching for Gem. It turns out, Gem was playing in the grass, minding his own business when suddenly, Helre showed up. He claimed to be a magician. Gem, being young and naive, enjoyed watching his "magic trick" where Helre "split" into two separate people. Helre was the master of the PBR; Pedo Bear Rangers; and he always had his way with young children. His "split" buddy was Turbo. Turbo and Helre lured Gem to the admin panel of FR, where they promised Gem they would make him the best Brawler there ever was, since he was sick of losing so much. Gem nodded and agreed. He opened the admin panel and let Turbo and Helre inside. It was then that all security features protecting FR ceased functioning. The Pikru Protection Plan was turned off! FR was under siege! We were being attacked by Pikru's minions, as well as LB, and SP. I caught Turbo and Helre in the act, and I was prepared to stop them at all costs, but it was too late! I grabbed my Spartan Spear, and prepared to plunge it into them, but they reminded me, that I Void, being so overweight, could not defend himself. I told Gem to hurry with me that we must return to Void's profile to save him. Gem tripped, and was then kicked by Turbo and Helre. As I had made it out, I realized Gem was not behind me! But the notice had not arrived in time. I fought my way through Pikru's underlings and made it to Void... Alas... It was too late... Void had been demained... and deadmined... His profile was being erased... It was then that I spoke, "Void! You mustn't die! The clan needs you, I need you, Gem needs you! Your people need you..." Void, weakening, said to me, "Vegeta... I knew this day would come... When Pikru would attack FR... It looks like she's succeeded... I didn't want to believe it, but it's happened... FR is in a time of crisis. Without me to lead it, it will surely fall. I am placing the clan in your hands... Do me one last favor... before... I..." he clutched his heart, Void was having a heart attack, "Save my brother..." It was then that Void passed away... he died of cardiac arrest. The Pikru Protection Plan came back online and the trolls left, but the damage had been done. Our mighty army was a mere speck compared to what it was before, and we had lost our leader, Void, and his brother, Gem.

I left the clan, in hopes of fulfilling Void's last wish. I needed to find Gem. I traveled a long way walking, I even sailed across the seas of Xat. As I traveled through a peaceful forest, filled with only weak trolls, I met some guy who said a strange light shines at night. I paid no mind to this weirdo. I made for the cave in the waterfall, but a Bisexual Barrier had been put up. Only someone bi could break the Bisexual Barrier. I turned back, and made way for town, where I took a rest. It was then that I was a shining light. It was luminous and blinding and my desire was revealed. I desired to follow this mysterious light, and so I did. It led me back to where that weirdo was and I saw... a fairy... This fairy was none other than XP.

Chapter 2: I'm not alone: New allies and a Father's Loss?

XP had told me he was injured, and suffering from exhaustion. He could not survive long, so without warning, he went inside my head, imbuing me with the bisexual-behaviors. However, I was straight, so the introduction of this crookedness had an unexpected effect. It turned me into a girl. (I still liked girls.)
XP told me he had no choice but to go in my head. It was then that an ominous red light shined over an innocent xat chat. I hurried to it as fast as I could, but... I was too late again. LB had destroyed it completely. The entire city was in a state of disarray and dilapidation. There was nothing I could do to save them... I headed back to the waterfall because that was the only path I could take. It was there that I ran into a strange, hairy fellow... Bob.


Bob had told me that someone had sealed the entrance to the waterfall with a spell of bisexual nature. I asked him what he was doing here, and he told me his tale... Bob was one day, hanging out with Riley, they were the best of friends, father and son, when Riley hallucinated from being infected with Pikru-Plague. With much power in his voice, Riley suddenly vociferated, "WTF IT'S JACKAL", and he lunged at Bob, and sunk his teeth into him. Riley had been transformed into a furry because of the virus. Bob was then infected as well! He transformed into a furry, and attacked Riley, killing him. When Bob woke up, he had realized what he had just lost... A very close friend and his son...

Bob marched up to the Anime Xat and attacked Jackal! But Jackal's magic had nerfed Bob's powers, and Bob was easily tossed aside. It was then that Bob went on his way... with much dismay... He was seeking a way to bring Riley back to life.
Bob: "Lets travel together, perhaps on our travels, I can find a way to restore my son's lost life." And it was so that Bob had joined our group. We have a second fighter to the team, since XP is too frail and frilly like a flower to fight. Onward! We marched! *thud* I fell on the ground, having completely forgotten my earlier experience, even though Bob had brought it up. The barrier was in the way! XP came forth, "Don't worry, this bisexual-barrier is weak, just leave it to me to break it." XP shined in a rainbow color, and the invisible barrier was no more. Bob: "Works for me". And we entered. The air was thick and the ground was wet. It was very damp and humid. We pressed onward bravely, as we fought trolls, we entered a trap! But the trap was easily found out by Bob, and we continued our journey through the long perilous cave. Through one of the cave's openings, we saw a loli hanging onto dear life on the edge of a bridge-like-pass. We pulled her up, and we found out her name... Her name was Jayda. She told us that a bunch of pedophiles from the PBR attacked, and her friend rushed her to saftey and held them off, sacrificing their self for her. Jayda jumped and no harm befell her. She told us she wished to join our party, but we had not chosen her at the beginning of the game, I mean, we told her she was just too young to join our party. We offered to chaperone her until she was safely home, but the loli boldly and proudly exclaimed "My town is just around the corner, I can handle myself", and just as soon as we met her, she was gone. Bob and I proceeded and fought trolls and noobs until we made it town.

Chapter 3: Legend of Michael Scalia: The most powerful weapon in existence?

We then talked to a wise old man that we don't know, she was Jayda's foster-grandfather. And he told us that the world was in danger and darkness would fall upon it. According to this old fellow, I was chosen by the Fairy, XP, as the one who would pull the Scalia Sword out. XP had traveled a long way from Sweet Delight, land of the Fairies. The fairies all flew, in hopes of reaching someone to help, but their bodies weren't conditioned like XP's. XP was the head of the track team, and his debate team comrades just couldn't keep up. XP was the only one to make it. We returned to discussing the Scalia Sword.

Legend says there was a boy... He was the most "pimpin'" boy ever. His shoes shined brighter than any stars at night. His clothes glistened in the sun. He wore his hat backwards, and took his baseball bat in hand, and vanquished his foes, making sure they didn't step on the toes of his priceless shoes. Everyone knew of this boy, whose basketball skills were unrivaled. When trouble arose, who to call, everyone knows. Michael Scalia, Savior of the Wasteland. For years, this boy has been performing the greatest deeds, saving all those who were in need. His mind was his second most powerful weapon, his first, was his Mana Sword, which was in his pants, he called it "Lucky". After the world had come to a near apocalyptic end, filled with years of turmoil and strife, Michael decided, what he wanted to do with his life... His journey was perilous, his foes were scandalous, can he really handle this? Towards the end of his journey, Michael stuck Lucky in the one place nobody would want to... The G-Slush part of Pikru's Jungle Cunt. It was then that this foul beast receded, the jungle went away, Michael had won the day, but he paid the ultimate price... Pikru was born from STD and Admiral Pit... Michael died from the most dangerous STD of all... Pikru-Papilomma-Plague... Over 9000 times deadlier than Bubonic Plague, AIDS, or any other illness, disease, or STD... But it is said that Michael will come again one day, to save us all from the death of the universe...

I told him I had no time for this, as I had to save Gem! But he said it was not so easy to get rid of XP. He needed a host to stay in this world, or he would surely die. XP can never leave his host, he would stay with me till I was deceased. Bob inquired whether there was a way to bring Riley back or not, the wise man stated that there was no way, and that as long as Bob held onto the memory of Riley, that he would live out with him. Bob held his head up assured that Riley's soul was with him. As we were leaving, we asked what the old man's name was. He told us he was Wiki Wonders. XP then mentioned that the Scalia Sword would grant our wishes and as a result, I knew I had to get it to find Gem! And so our goal was realized...

Chapter 4: Hurdles Ahead! Our first great hardship?

With our mission accomplished, we headed to the inn, to rest until night, and we stocked up on supplies. Bob had already equipped the best gear available to him before I met him, while I had not. Bob also started off at a higher level than myself, for I was rusty from my Brawl training since in Void's lazy kingdom, it's okay to do nothing and I had no opponents to play. We entered the cave and ran into Jayda again, she said "I'm a big girl now! I should join you guys, I want to help! Pweaaaase? I heard the schtowy of what happened, and I need to help." But once again, we told her she was not selected at the beginning of the... that she was too young to join us, and she headed back to town, disappointed. Bob spoke to me, "These damn zombies are annoying, they keep poisoning me, do you have any cures for this?" I responded, "Well, there's this type of flower that cures this. It's a natural remedy I learned from watching Man vs Wild with Bear Grylls on the Discovery Channel. Keep an eye out for it, they're pretty common." I kneeled to a holy statue of Eddie, and it healed our wounds (and saved our progress). We continued our trek, sometimes finding treasure from the enemies, which on occasion had traps inside. We entered a dark, eerie room, which was quite large, larger than any previous room. It was then that a giant spider, bearing the insignia of Pikru's hairy Pikachu avatar on it fell from the ceiling, nearly crushing us. PPV: "Spiders don't grow this large, do they??" Bob: "No, not in nature, but there's nothing natural about that Jungle Cunt in which it lived in for so long." Bob clawed at its eyes with his furry fury swipes, and I plunged my spear into its eyes. The Spider would not die! It cast all sorts of magic to attack us, including an attack that was called "Holy Ball". There was nothing holy about it! It was holy to Pikru's minions, that is sure enough. And it casts bad bubble breath at us. This breath was toxic since the spider survived by feeding off of the dangerous jungle vines in Pikru's Jungle Cunt, as well as the Jungle Juices that sometimes seeped forth from the horrible Pit of Shit. We gagged, and our lungs burned as if we had breathed in molten lava. We soothed our wounds by eating KKK Brand Kandy. Bob flipped and lunged forth with all his might, and I twirled my Spartan Spear with every last bit of energy I had, and together, we defeated the Pikru Pest Savage Spider! We received the blessings of a Wisp. His name was Aak. Aak introduced himself and let us know that we are to collect the rest of the spirits out there. He informed us that there are others out there much like him, and their power will aid us and be added to our own, as well as that they are vital to unlocking the power of the Scalia Sword.

Chapter 5: Unpleasant surprise: Ambushed?

There, we came to the bridge once again where the loli Jayda had fallen off of before grabbing hold of the bridge below it. This gap between the two ends was too great to leap, so we once again relied on XP's border hopping techniques. XP used Border Bounce and we hopped across the hole. We proceeded into the next tu---*bump*, we were shoved back! And we fell off of the great cliff and were rendered unconcious. Where we ended up, we were not sure. We awoke in a prison, and Bob shouted, "Hey, mother fu**ers, let us out of here!" Then, another voice echoed off of the walls. "That won't do you any good. Shh, watch", said the mysterious voice. We spoke to him through the walls and we asked him where we were. It was obvious it was a male, with a deep voice. Mysterious Voice: We're in a prison, but don't worry about it too much. HEYYYY, YOU SMELL LIKE CRAP. Nigger: WHO SED DAT. AH NO U AINT TALKIN TO ME NIGGA, AH PIMP SLAP YO ASS. WHERE U @ BOI, DAS IT AHMA CUM IN DERE N FUCK U UP. Mysterious Voice: Yeah, I'd like to see you try. Nigger: OH NO U DIDNT SON, NAO U GUNNA GIT IT. The ignorant black person lunged for the prisoner, and he gracefully flipped, dodging him. He then rushed out of the cage and closed the door on him, locking him in successfully. Mysterious Prisoner: And you called me a monkey. OOH OOH AHH AHH, mother fucker. Hey, you people, here you go, *opens the door*. Bob: Woahh, sweet dude. Thanks. PPV: We can't let our guard down yet, we're still in rough shape. *Kneels to the Eddie statue that was there and we're healed*. PPV: So who are you? Prisoner: Yeaaa, some call me Los, some call me Lord, I'd prefer if you called me Champion God Master Captain King Lordlos, the Holy One, no shortcuts to it. Bob: Yeahhh... about that... kinda long, don't you think? Lordlos: You ain't grateful I just dun saved your asses? PPV: But what if someone is aiming an arrow at your head? If we took the time to say that, you'd have an arrow through it by then. Lordlos: Good point cracker. I like the way you think. Not sure if I can trust you yet though. Bob: So where you come from? Lordlos: .........


Lordlos: I came from a kingdom called TK. I helped around and was an esteemed and well respected member. I was their greatest asset. Their greatest warrior. My training was vigorous and grueling. I worked out every day. Word broke out that a threat was approaching, but many passed it off as mere hysteria. I knew better than that, I prepared. I spoke to the leader, Mc. Breezy Sama about this, and he just ignored me, like a lazy leader would. But when his city was on fire, he was then convinced that I was right! All his men were defeated and killed by the wizard. I confronted the sorcerer, but I knew I was no match. A knight vs magic? I knew I was outmatched. Nevertheless, I battled bravely against this vile fiend, her name... Scarlett the Sorcerer. She shot fire at me, but I blocked it with my shield, I then strafed around her, looking for an opportunity to seize her head, but her constant barrage of attacks were too much for me. I tried to deflect them with my shield, but it eventually broke in two, and I had no choice but to lunge at her. My sword did go through her, but she healed the wound off and tossed me off the bridge. I was defeated! But my life was not taken, I had managed to escape. I ran, and I ran, and I tended to my wounds. My pride had been crushed... It was then, that my best friend offered to give up his life to add his power to my own, I told him not to! But he refused to have it... Dominic sent his soul inside mine and our powers fused. I was now not only strong, but now I was nimble and lean, too! All my fat was gone. That's how I was able to flip earlier to dodge this guard.


(How the character ends up in the jail is not explained in the game, so that's up for the reader to imagine.) Bob: A fatty, eh? Lordlos: Not anymore. *pounds chest* RUUUUUGH, IIII, AMMM, LORDLOOOOOOS!!!!!!!! PPV: So how come you were at full health and not us? Lordlos: I've dwelled here for a bit. I've had time on my hands... Enough time to rub my nipples and orgasm. PPV: Ewww. Bob: That's disgusting. Lordlos: It takes a while, but it's worth it. PPV: Come on, we have to go. Bob: Wait! We need a name for our group. PPV and Los: Like what? Bob: Well... How 'bout the Beaner Brigade? *PPV speaks at the same time as Los* PPV: Sounds Great! Lordlos: No, that's stupid. Bob: And what would you like to call it Los? Lordlos: The Legendary Lordlos Legion! PPV: I'll pass. Bob: Well, two thirds agree, majority rules, sorry Los. *Los scoffs and tilts his head away, putting his back to us* Lordlos: Alright, whatever, let's get out of here.



Lordlos: If we hurry, we can catch the next ferry out of here. Lets go! *They all rush out of the prison, defeating a pack of furries along the way.* Groudlet: Hurry, hurry! We need to get out of here! Lordlos: Lets go guys. *Groudlet sets sail and we sail the seas in search of a safe spot to set foot on land*. Groudlet: Here we are, that was pretty close. Good luck guys. I'll always be ready to sail for you wherever you are. *All of them speak* Thank you.
We reached a town that was as blue as the sky and had clear, blue crisp waters. We heard rumors of Gem being in the next town, and we rushed on the Rocky Road ahead to find him. A new enemy was lurking around. One that wore a hood and fired darts at unsuspecting victims. *PPV is knocked down* Bob: What happened? *Lordlos pulls the dart out*: Hmm, it appears we have pussies hiding around. PPV: That freaken hurt. We drew our weapons, and as we progressed, we vanquished more and more monsters, as well as the cowards that hid. I eventually lost all vitality, and Bob revived me with a KKK Kup of Life. Lordlos: Pathetic. PPV: I don't see anybody targetting you with darts. Lordlos: They know better. Bob: Shut up both of you, the next town is right there! *We all rushed to it but were blocked by two fat guys*. Fat guy 1: No foreigners allowed! Fat Guy 2: We don't want outsiders coming in here. GET LOST.
Lordlos: Why I outta you fat mother... *Bob interrupts* Bob: Let's just go another way, I'm sure there's other things we can do. PPV: I see a cave up ahead, lets go see if we can find anything useful. Lordlos: LAST ONE IN IS A FAGGOT. PPV: SLOW DOWN LOS, WATCH OUT!! *Los almost runs right off of the cliff, but Bob grabs his hand and pulls him to saftey* Bob: You moron. Be careful. Lordlos: At least I'm not the faggot, Bigedo came in last. PPV: Where the hell did you get the name Bigedo from? Lordlos: I'm omni-potent. Watch me break the 4th wall. HEY, READERS, AH NO DIS IZ A STOREEEE SO OBVIOUSLEEE AH NO WHY HIS NAME IS BIGDEO, OR HER, W/E DIS MUDA FUCKA IS. PPV: What the hell is his problem? Bob: What's your gender again? PPV: That's not the time to ask, but if you must know, I was originally a boy, until that annoying son of a... XP: Hey! Don't you dare talk crap about me. *we cross the bridge*


LB assassins surround us. LB Soldiers: YOU MUST NOT ENTER OUR CLAN. WE WILL DISPATCH OF YOU ALL RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. Lordlos: So fight us then. LB Soldiers: Sorry, we don't use our own soldiers to enter wars or battles. We use outside help. *Two pro Brawlers enter and fighting breaks out as the LB soldiers all flee and watch* Bob: Can we beat them? PPV: I'm a bit rusty, but I probably can. Lordlos: Stop whining, stfu and just fight. The pro brawlers pull off a string of combos, the likes of which we've never seen before, and PPV, as well as Lordlos are badly hit by them. PPV uses KKK Kandy on Lordlos and herself and they are healed. Bob is holding them off while they recover. Then suddenly, a string of combos are performed on Bob, and I tend to his wounds with KKK Kandy as well. Then we all rush them and prevent them from being able to launch any more devastating attacks, and soon enough, they are defeated. A bunch of ponies appear and the the LB Soldiers flee on while riding them, and one of the outside-help-Brawlers walks slowly toward the middle of the bridge, and trips. PPV: It's about to blow! Bob: GET BACK!!!! Lordlos: Huh? OH CRAP! *We run back to the side we came from. Lordlos is on the floor, having barely made it, he rushed so fast, he tripped.* PPV: Close call. Bob: Yeah, right. *PPV sticks his hand out to help Los up, but Los refuses the help and stands up on his own*. PPV: Well, nothing to do here. Lets keep going and head back to town. *We equip ourselves with the latest equipment, Los getting a visor, Bob getting a belt, and PPV getting a bow*. We see a weird little kid by the name of Jay spying into some house. We ask him about what he's doing. Jay: Uhh, NOTHING, THIS GUY BLACKMAILED ME. STFU GTFO I GTG KTHXBAI. *stays watching*. Lordlos: Are you fucking retarded? *Jay ignores him while Bob is cracking up at how stupid Jay is and at Los's response.* Bob and Los: ?! *They notice PPV entered the house, and follow*. PPV: Hello! Mysterious inventor: Hello there. :] The name's Tulat. And this is my assistant, Sai. Sai: HAI!!! Tulat: Whatchya need? PPV: Well, we need to get around, you know? We're traveling around searching for spirits in hopes of obtaining the legendary Scalia Sword. Tulat: Well you just happened to come at the right time! I JUST invented a cannon that allows you to travel to far away places. Care to enter? PPV: Sure! Tulat: Good! Sai, go do the honors. Sai: I'm on it cousin! Sai: So just en... oh... We don't have gunpowder... Tulat: Well that's a darn shame, I can't believe I forgot to get the gun powder. But no problem! I heard the gnomes have gunpowder. Just go find them. :] PPV: And where would they be? Tulat: They're in a cave to the west, you'll know what cave when you see the bridge inside. Good luck! Bob: Great... that cave... Lordlos: Ain't that dandy, just like candy. Lets go. *We arrive at the cave once again, and pray in front of the statue to Eddie Garcia* (The game is saved, but we don't heal because it's a silver burrito statue and not a golden taco statue.)

Story to be continued! When Bob and I continue the game. The Beaner Brigade is complete! The heroes are below.
Next time, on the exciting adventures of the Beaner Brigade: Our heroes summon the power of Aak to uncover a new passageway. Could it be where the gnomes are located? You'll have to stay tuned to the next exciting episode of The Tales of the Bodacious Beaner Brigade! (So long as the emulator works properly and the file saved.)

Lordlos the Legendary

Bob the Bodacious

PPV the Prestigious

Comments or questions; just ask. To clear a possible one up, Groudlet is the guy that drives/steers the boat. He's at many towns, but they're all Groudlet, one Groudlet, there are no multiple Groudlets.



The Force That Protects The Universe From Total Cunt Tyranny.

wow..................... thats all i can say