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 The legend of Bozo

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Lordlos Omnipotent

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Join date : 2012-07-13

The legend of Bozo Empty
PostSubject: The legend of Bozo   The legend of Bozo EmptyThu Jan 22, 2015 8:53 pm

This is the start of a grand journey of epic proportions.  This is the start of Bozo's quest to defeat the Illuminati and finally prove once and for all....that he is not crazy.  Everyone will finally acknowledge his demented superstition, and FINALLY, he will be recognized as the hero that he is.  This is top secret info, but this is the face of our courageous hero The legend of Bozo Fxqwsl.  Don't let anyone find out as he has worked hard to keep himself out of the system. Here we wait at the train station, where bozo is busy murdering mice under the rail road tracks to feast on their flesh.  He swings and stabs his switchblade with a gusto as one of his druggy ADHD buddies named zant arrives on the scene.  "Bozo, why the hell do you keep hanging around these tracks bruh?" exclaimed Zant. "It's dangerous out here, aliens scout this area to abduct people you know?  There have been stories maaaan".  Bozo shrugs off his kindred spirits concerns as he thrusts and stabs beneath the train tracks for his next meal, pausing momentarily to scratch his crotch, sniff his fingers, and continue his insipid task.  "I'm getting out of here duuude", Zant said with an elongated druggy voice.  "Ur weird, I can't be seen hanging out with you or else I won't be popular anymore.  Idk why you insist on eating fucking animals you find on the streets all the time".  Bozo then gazed up at Zant with the enthusiasm of a mongoose, with his sagging droopy eye lids almost covering his pupils from lack of sleep.  "I follow the ways of Tupac the prophet, to keep my body pure and clean, da streets feed me", he then continued digging his way through the railroad tracks as Zant slowly walked away, "fuckin weird ass nigga" Zant said under his breath.  Little did Zant know however, that whilst Bozo slaved away under the railroad tracks, he was well on his way to unearthing an ancient and widely unknown piece of literature, which has been left behind long long ago in the year 2007.  Doesn't sound like too long ago considering it is currently 2015 but in today's ADHD society it might as well be 100 years old especially considering its pitiful amount of sales.  "I have not eaten in several days but it will be worth it to achieve my goal" Bozo said out loud.  Bozo would then gather the murdered mice and line up their entrails to spell "Machiaveli Christ" on the rail road tracks.  "Yes, soon the ritual will be complete, I shall be able to uncover the ancient prophecies of legend, I must make haste as the times are near..."  said Bozo.  Bozo would then bend his pinky finger all the way backwards causing a snap, "damn it is not bleeding" he exclaimed as he then knawed like a wild animal at the fractured appendage.  Bozo then remembered he had a switch blade so while the broken bone may have been a necessity as part of the sacrifice,  his incessant biting was deemed superfluous.  He would then cut deep into his hand around the broken pinky finger, bleeding profusely to create the dot on top of the i's for both Machiaveli and Christ.  Our hero would then clasp his hands together and begin to beat box while mumbling one of Tupacs raps under his breath and what would occur afterwards would change not only the destiny of this young boy but the course of the world's direction as a whole. The ground would glimmer and sparkle far into the sky which was large enough to be seen from countries away, the weather changed ominously at this change of events, as intense gusts of wind formed and trees were uprooted.  Bozo did not notice but a train was speeding towards him from behind but because he was so inattentive, he did not notice, however not even that train was safe from the intense strength of the storm that was summoned.  

        "The one true bible...the book that will change the world and finally show everyone the truth! So long I have been awaiting this day and it is finally here!" said Bozo triumphantly.  The wind tore the surrounding area apart, however Bozo despite his drastic loss in his already underweight body, was lifted gently into the air as a rectangular gleam appeared before him.  The debris from the environment formed with this light prism, combining with it and forming a book.  The white gleam became more and more radiant before Bozo's very eyes as he looked in awe.  "It is complete, THE LEGENDARY WHITE BOOK OF MACHIAVELI" Bozo exclaimed.  He held the book on high triumphantly as its light shined across the world for thousands and thousands of miles.  Dustin was riding horses with his Father and Brother in the mountains as they witnessed the event unfold.  Dwane Rice, AKA MastaxenyouZ IMMEDIATLY knew what was afoot.  "So it is time" the Legendary MastazenyouZ said.  "Father, what is that bright light" said Dustin. "Isn't it obvious you fool?" said Devin angrily, "Those contemptible Christ fags are on their way to uncovering the truth!".  MastaxenyouZ then knew the danger his kind faced should this evidence of a certain truth get out.  "We must destroy that book!" he said adamantly.  "A book?" said Dustin, Devin however interrupted and said "We have no time for your dumb questions, we must make haste" as he rushed off with their father towards their home.

     In the dust domain, the Rice family entered a secret dusty dungeon that has been left behind for many generations of the Rices."Father, what ails you, for what purpose are we here?" Dustin pondered, however Devin his elder brother stood firmly with his arms crossed commenting on his brothers naivety, "Have you not studied the teachings of Tom Cruise?  You fool, this is apart of the Christians rise in power, we were warned of this day, when the world would end..", "Devin that's enough" said the father Dwane, "There is no guarantee that it will come to that, you're making the situation out to be more than what it might actually be.  If we can somehow find and destroy the book and its finder, we can prevent the Church from taking over".  "But father, what qualms do we have with the Church of our Catholic/Christian brothers?" said Dustin, as the mood in the room drastically changed.  "Father, his ignorance disgusts me, why is it that he inherits the Dust destiny and not I, I am the oldest and as you can see he has not yet proven himself worthy to the secrets of his own belief system after all these years he is still a level 5?" Devin screeched, "SILENCE" said MastaxenyouZ abruptly, "you know exactly why you were not chosen".  Devin fell silent as Dustin gazed in confusion.  "There is much I have to tell you my son" Dwane explained as he placed his hand on his sons shoulder and guided him to the vault of area 51.

    Bozo read the instructions of the thug bible intently, contemplating his next move.  He decides to head to a nearby town in Canada for further instructions on the acquisition of an ancient artifact left behind by the ancient deities of hip hop.  Bozo would then tread on foot as the book reinforced his paranoia of trains stating "Eyo, young nigga, thou aint sposed b usin no punk ass nigga transportation, trains is fo white folks, us real niggas drive white Cadilac's on lee, like fo real dough, naa meen?"...This verse is up for interpretation however, as no literate person can possibly read and comprehend this properly.  Bozo on the other hand, understood the meaning perfectly and continued onward for days towards the land of Canada, traversing rain and snow, as well as the mountains to reach his destination.  Bozo finally arrives in Canada square, after fending off the beasts of the wilderness (Moose) and treading through the soggy terrain. A golden erect statue of the lands hero Riley Dunphy stands tall, with shovel pointed towards the sky and a crazed facial expression with mouth wide open, depicting the hero as the raving Lunatic that he is.  This is another one of Bozo's idols as they share very similar qualities, he gazes at the statue as he passes by stating "I hope I can contribute as much as you have to the downfall of the Anti-Christ".  Bozo would wander around aimlessly around the maple colored town as he came across a wizard...

The legend of Bozo O8fbxv

He found him conducting parlor tricks utilizing cards.  However even the Canadians thought he was a dumbass and ridiculed him as he commanded his smash cards to smite his non believers.  One girl shouted "HAHAHAHA, your fucking yugioh card is not going to hurt me geek, like #foreveralonemuch?", the wizard replied by saying "YOU DARE TO MOCK THE S.RAI? HARK AT THE WRATH OF MY BIG BO$$ PLAYBOY D3-SAMAAAAAAA"....The crowd fell silent momentarily  and then walked away laughing.  "Aha, my enchantment has worked, none can face the power of my mighty Titan DDD".  However unbeknownst to the Wizard, a familiar droopy eyed face appears from the shadows.  Bozo creeps upon S.Rai from behind and exclaims "what manner of devilry is this?", S.Rai is taken aback by the sudden proclamation as he readies his wizard robe and hat, his wand and cards shouting nervously with a cracked teenage voice "wh-who are you?". Bozo stared deadly into his eyes with the passion of a Moose on Ritalin and said "I am the Truth seeker, Bozo the brilliant, and you are?".  S.rai stumbles clumsily around his words as he says "I-I am the great and all p-p-powerful wizard S.Rai of the 17TH DIMENSION" he shouts nervously at the end...  Bozo stares at him blankly, tilting his head to the side "What was that spell you used to ward off those people?" he stated, "Wuh-What spe-OH, right! It was a fear potion, yea a fear potion that's it, it wards off demons monsters and bullie- I MEAN, ASSASINS" S.Rai retorted.  Bozo stared into S.Rai's eyes blankly as if his mind was in a different dimension. "Um, are you okay?" S.Rai stated, disturbed by the strange glance and appearance of Bozo.  "You look pretty tattered, where have you even been?" Little did S.Rai know, Bozo was peering deep into his subconscious, slowly judging his answer with his powers in order to Judge for himself if he is lying.  "I am a wizard" entered the empty skull of Bozo as he fell to his knees, mud splattering from his impact on the ground and bowed to the bootleg Wizard.  "Oh wise one, please guide me to the ancient artifact of the Hip-Hop Overlords!" Bozo screamed.  S.Rai stared, genuinely surprised "This fool seriously believes I'm a Wizard, heh, least someone will treat me with the respect I truly deserve.  My card collection itself is worthy of reverence, can't these fools see? This is good but what in the world is he talking about..Hip-Hop Overlords? And people think I'm crazy just for collecting cards.  I guess I can play along, I do enjoy feeling like I am superior to others" S.Rai thought to himself.  "Well this is your lucky day" said the Wizard Rai, "I have decided to grace you with my presence and take you under my wing as my apprentice", "THERE IS NO TIME, WE MUST MAKE HASTE, I NEED THE LOCATION OF TUPACS TREASURE SO I MAY FORGE THE ULTIMATE WEAPON!!!"  S.Rai stared blankly and asked "What is this treasure to be exact?".  Bozo Roared "IT IS OBVIOUS TO ANYONE ESPECIALLY YOU WIZARD, IT IS ONE OF TUPACS PLATINUM RECORDS!".  S.Rai fell silent, "And how exactly can this be forged into a weapon?" "I will require a weapon smith which we shall hopefully come across along the way, but the first objective is to obtain the Record" Bozo replied.  S.Rai sighed and stated "I am not Crossing the country just to help you find this record, having no clue where it is or if it is even legal to obtain it".  Bozo looked at Rai, shocked "Aren't you a wizard, you could use your spells to conjure up a map".  "We-well of course I am, but a wizard is no navigator, go find someone qualified HMPH" Rai states as he walks off.  Bozo would then cling to his wizard robe and exclaim "PLEASE, EVEN IF YOU CANNOT MAKE ME A MAP, PLEASE AID ME IN MY QUEST TO FIND TUPAC'S RECORD, I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK, I BEG OF YOU, I MUST OBTAIN THIS ARTIFACT".  S.Rai ponders "Hmm, I've been trying to make money with my magic tricks in order to make it back home but that hasn't been doing much but making me a public disturbance.  This guy is weird but he looks like a person who has lived in the jungle for eons.  Traveling with him would likely keep me relatively safe, after-all I really have no choice".


       Rai and Bozo ride moose-back through the Canadian terrain towards the land of the bold and home of the gay America.  "Why exactly are we atop meese Bozo?" Rai asks.  "It will take a long time to get from here to America if we are using animals instead of you know, a TRAIN to get there".  Bozo shakes his head in disapproval however stating "The way of the thug tells us not to trust modern technology and its conveniences unless it is thugged out and fresh to death my friend".  "Also the plural is moose not meese"..."Right" Rai sighs as he looks on at a train station nearby regrettably "Oh what I would give for the clean and glistening convenience of public transportation". But just then, rai spots something from afar.  "Bozo wait" rai harks, "there is a girl over there".  Bozo looks but cannot seem to grasp the figure in which Rai speaks, "I do not see anyone but I will trust your Judgment Wizard".  The team would journey onward towards the train tracks as they come across a dark figure fumbling around clumsily.  "Remove your black robe fellow traveler" Bozo says aloud.  "W-what are you talking about, I'm not wearing a robe, just regular clothes".  Bozo would begin to hiss with hostility.  "This is a suspicious cretin" *Bozo bears his fangs and curls his fingers in a feral manner, akin to that of an animal "I will slay you at once if you do not reveal yourself!".  Rai however could see that it was a woman....of the female persuasion....Aaaaahahaha Rai begins to drool a little at the mouth as he inspects the specimen closer.  "W-what's wrong with him!" the figure said aloud but to no avail as the young African American wizard's accomplice seemed to be even more mentally unstable than the drooling fool gawking at her.  The extremely dark woman composes herself for a moment, pressing her fingers against her overgrown chest "*Sigh*, Alright lets start things off my name is um" she thinks of a code name out of paranoia involving privacy "Skysong".  "What a beautiful name" Rai says however Bozo almost vomits at the declaration as if he found the name unfitting for something so grotesque.  It was then that bozo realized that this vile creature was so dark that it made his companion seem white in comparison...."In comparison" he noted.  It was then Bozo realized his magical friend was black!  He then hissed at his companion "What in the world is your problem now" Rai said aloud before the grown beneath them began to shake.

      What is then witnesses is a strange looking structure approaching the train station, dragging through the ground as it leaves a large trail in its wake.  Rai then notes that it is a boat with Bozo suspicious as to how a nigger can see that well with their inferior genetics.  Bozo hisses once again, demanding answers from the quite literally dark magician as to the secret behind his eye sight.  Rai then smacks his hand away stating they have not the time for this quarrel as the ship is fast approaching.  "We need to get on" says Rai, "Yes we'll jump as soon as it is within our grasp" replied bozo.  Sky backs away but Bozo grabs her by her weave "You have some explaining to do nigerian".  Sky sweats from her nipples somehow all the way around to her anus as she looks at the darkest white knight in the world Rai to help her however he merely stared at her with disturbing physics breaking hearts pumping from his eyes.  It was at this point Skysong knew she was screwed, quite possibly literally.  Rai and Bozo timed their jumps in sync with the fast approaching boat as Bozo grabbed Skysong by the waist jumping onto the boat, she screamed loudly yelling RAAPE, RAAPE but no one came...nor cared...

       "We've made it" Rai said in relief.  "When one walks with swagger, one need not fear duh dagga partna" Bozo quoted from the white book.  "Riiiight" said Rai before being immediately interrupted by screams...but it was just Sky.  "PLEASE JUST RAPE ME AND GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY" The extremely dark woman exclaimed before being immediately vomited on by Bozo by the disgusting suggestion.  "You retched ratchet animal, you are FAR beneath my standard, I only mate with 100% authentic white women you fool" he smacks her in the face, caring not for the vomit that smears on his hand.  Rai then unsheathes his childrens playing cards "hands of the maiden".  Bozo ignores him and states that they must explore the ship "We could possibly use this vessel for to reach our objective faster, you can play with your putrid prize for all I care just don't mate where I can see it, I'd rather not go blind".  Rai then kneels beside Sky as she asks "Why are you with this racist psychopath"?  "A playa's gotta get his name known out there, in order to get whit the mad poppin fresh honies, you need the monies you see?  Plus I've grown accustomed to his face at this point so I'll stick around for a while".  Sky stares blankly judging and almost laughing at this thirsty ass receding hairline lookin ass nigga but avoids bursting out in laughter as to avoid being raped.  "What is wrong fair maiden?  Would you like me to clean you"?  Rai eagerly asks before sky uses his robe to wipe herself off to Rai's dismay.  Rai takes off his garments looking with great disappointment "Now how will I be clean and glistening.." he said to himself "But wait, the fact that she would rub my clothes against her body shows a level of attraction, PERHAPS even love, I won't need to be poppin fresh if I got a fine babe at my side as we ride out into the night, that'll show everyone who said I'd never get laid".  Before rai gets a chance to desperately confess his premature love Sky has already gone up deck as Bozo has attained the controls attempting to steer the boat.  "How's it going"? Sky asked as Bozo glared at her before closing his eyes smugly and looking in the opposite direction with his nose in the air, I believe I've got things under control.  "It's amazing you can see in all this fog, but it doesn't feel like we're turning and you have the wheel going all the way to the left".  Sky replied before Bozo screeched "I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING YOU BUBONIC PLEAAAAGUUEEE" almost roaring during the last word.  It is then that the fog began to clear and an elaborate fortress was within sights, Bozo immediately turning in that direction "You see us men have a superior sense of direction, especially those of the Aryan persuasion" as the boat inched closer and closer to the fortress.

     "Are you sure this is safe? This place could be heavily guarded" Sky suggested but Bozo flagged her off as being a nigger and having an inferior sense of urgency.  However as they were within miles of the lair....

Invaders jump atop the boat with shocks sticks and strange radars in their hands.  "The thetan levels here are strong, we are in the right place" one of the grunts noted.  "OH MY GOD I TOLD YOU THIS PLACE WAS GUARDED, WE'RE NOT EVEN 20 MILES NEAR THIS PLACE AND THEY'RE ENEMIES EVERYWHERE, OH NO I CAN'T LOSE MY VIRGINITY HERE" Sky cried as Bozo redied himself with his switch blade against the intruders, Rai currently unaware in the lower quarters attempting to clean his clothes as he hears the rumbling up top and heads up to check in nothing but his underwear and shoes. He looks through the opening in the door to see a bunch of scientologists. Rai looks in surprise as he readies himself for battle, without his Wizard's Robe he knew he was powerless...or rather would most likely blow his cover. It is then that rai remembers his duel disk, placing it on his arm as he readies himself for battle, taking out his playing cards before he sees bozo jump onto one of the scientologists and maul him to death. "Wh-who are you" said one of the surprised grunts. "His thetan level is off the charts"! Said yet another grunt. "What does the ereader say about his thetan level"? a grunt asked before the other grunt crushed his ereader and exclaimed "IT'S OVER TOM CRUUUUISE"!!! "WHAT? EVEN MORE THAN TOM CRUISE? BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! HOW CAN HE HAVE A HIGHER THETAN LEVEL THAN SCIENTOLOGESUS"??? Bozo free styled the sickest bars while making ghetto hand signs, the power of which knocking back many of the scientologist grunts, as they fell off the boat to be crushed by its advancement below.

Last edited by Lordlos Omnipotent on Thu Nov 24, 2016 3:40 am; edited 14 times in total
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The legend of Bozo Empty
PostSubject: Re: The legend of Bozo   The legend of Bozo EmptyThu Jan 29, 2015 12:54 am

This is too hilarious. I'm crying!
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